MR. WRONG

I think the SPLICE TODAY did a much better job this week. They fixed the thing I bitched about last time with the links, so you can tell they are links now, because the words are grey insteada black. For art, this guy Ben Chrisman provided a real-live photograph illustrative of one of those TRADER JOE’S stores—or a place that looks enough like one of those stores—where I recently purchased snack foods, peanut butter, and some frozen fish filets. And some healthy pasta that is supposed to tast good. It says on the label, like, “this is healthy pasta and it even tastes good!” Or words to that sentiment. Also the little SPLICE TODAY description/synopsis of the column was better, I think, I mean, I dunno about “intrepid columnist,” because I already am established as AMERICA’S BEST NEWSPAPER TYPIST™ by this guy Choire Sicha who used to work for GAWKER but then kinda blew it up and now he does whatever he wants, it looks like. Anyway, Good Times and another hundred bucks. The SPLICE TODAY has a “discussion” thing that goes with each article, and Registered Discusser dtdowntown apparently did not appreciate the column, but commendably did not ask for his or her money back.

It is about getting enough sleep. It’s supposed to alternate with the “Mr. Wrong” column in Baltimore CITY PAPER, but it doesn’t yet. But it’s supposed to. I don’t like the art of the coffee bag, but it’s none of my business, you know? But I can complain! I like to complain. It is a Valid form of Communication. Also, complaintwise, I don’t like how somebody wrote a descriptive, like, preview of what is inside the column up at the top. Just let ‘em read the effing column, man. These are called “Control Issues,” I believe. It’s like, why not let me write a headline or title for the column so as to preserve my Flavoring, you know? Also, I put a fun link to some Teevee on the Internet, but you can’t tell where it is unless you read the column by putting your mouse next to each word and then seeing that the word “Teevee” changes and the word “Internet” changes. Why couldn’t those just be in color? Anyway, those links are to real Television, on the Internet. Maybe next week after I send SPLICE TODAY another column, then there will be a new SPLICE TODAY on the week when my column is not in CITY PAPER! Of course none of this makes any sense in two weeks or on the Internet. Never mind.

Helium-3!!!