MR. WRONG

TODAY'S FOUR WORDS

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 11:28:47 -0400

TODAY'S FOUR WORDS

FLANAGANS!!!

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 20:37:00 -0400

FLANAGANS!!!

TODAY’S WORDLE

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 15:32:52 -0400

TODAY’S WORDLE

TODAY'S THEORY

Tue, 27 May 2008 18:35:43 -0400

About how some newspapers are fucking it up.

Today's Hate

Tue, 27 May 2008 17:40:00 -0400

Today's Hate

TODAY’S SNACK

Tue, 27 May 2008 17:31:52 -0400

TODAY’S SNACK

TODAY’S FANTASY

Sat, 17 May 2008 17:45:06 -0400

TODAY’S FANTASY

YESTERDAY’S BREAKFAST

Thu, 27 Mar 2008 18:11:00 -0400

YESTERDAY’S BREAKFAST

This week's CITY PAPER column

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 14:13:35 -0400

This week's CITY PAPER column: It is about You. How are you?

TODAY’S SNACK

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 18:24:27 -0400

TODAY’S SNACK

TODAY'S SPLICE TODAY COLUMN II

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 16:02:00 -0400

TODAY'S SPLICE TODAY COLUMN II: I think the SPLICE TODAY did a much better job this week. They fixed the thing I bitched about last time with the links, so you can tell they are links now, because the words are grey insteada black. For art, this guy Ben Chrisman provided a real-live photograph illustrative of one of those TRADER JOE’S stores—or a place that looks enough like one of those stores—where I recently purchased snack foods, peanut butter, and some frozen fish filets. And some healthy pasta that is supposed to tast good. It says on the label, like, “this is healthy pasta and it even tastes good!” Or words to that sentiment. Also the little SPLICE TODAY description/synopsis of the column was better, I think, I mean, I dunno about “intrepid columnist,” because I already am established as AMERICA’S BEST NEWSPAPER TYPIST™ by this guy Choire Sicha who used to work for GAWKER but then kinda blew it up and now he does whatever he wants, it looks like. Anyway, Good Times and another hundred bucks. The SPLICE TODAY has a “discussion” thing that goes with each article, and Registered Discusser dtdowntown apparently did not appreciate the column, but commendably did not ask for his or her money back.

TODAY’S LOZENGE

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 15:36:14 -0400

TODAY’S LOZENGE

TODAY'S SPLICE TODAY COLUMN

Fri, 14 Mar 2008 17:16:00 -0400

TODAY'S SPLICE TODAY COLUMN: It is about getting enough sleep. It’s supposed to alternate with the “Mr. Wrong” column in Baltimore CITY PAPER, but it doesn’t yet. But it’s supposed to. I don’t like the art of the coffee bag, but it’s none of my business, you know? But I can complain! I like to complain. It is a Valid form of Communication. Also, complaintwise, I don’t like how somebody wrote a descriptive, like, preview of what is inside the column up at the top. Just let ‘em read the effing column, man. These are called “Control Issues,” I believe. It’s like, why not let me write a headline or title for the column so as to preserve my Flavoring, you know? Also, I put a fun link to some Teevee on the Internet, but you can’t tell where it is unless you read the column by putting your mouse next to each word and then seeing that the word “Teevee” changes and the word “Internet” changes. Why couldn’t those just be in color? Anyway, those links are to real Television, on the Internet. Maybe next week after I send SPLICE TODAY another column, then there will be a new SPLICE TODAY on the week when my column is not in CITY PAPER! Of course none of this makes any sense in two weeks or on the Internet. Never mind.

TODAY’S SNACK

Fri, 14 Mar 2008 17:02:49 -0400

TODAY’S SNACK

ART GRACIOUSLY PROVIDED BY THE SMELL OF STEVE, INC. CLICK ON THE...

Wed, 12 Mar 2008 01:52:39 -0400

ART GRACIOUSLY PROVIDED BY THE SMELL OF STEVE, INC.

CLICK ON THE PICTURE AND WIN A FREE TRIP TO HIS MYSPACE.

This week's CITY PAPER column, which should alternate with SPLICE TODAY column. In theory.

Wed, 12 Mar 2008 01:46:49 -0400

http://citypaper.com/columns/story.asp?id=15449

TODAY’S SNACK

Sat, 08 Mar 2008 17:09:00 -0500

TODAY’S SNACK

The "Mr. Wrong" "column" is now Weekly.

Fri, 07 Mar 2008 11:26:21 -0500

That’s right, man, my shit is now on the Regular, once a week, but not all in the same place. In order to get your Shit Together, one must sometimes put it in little piles first, so now there’s gonna be another little pile of Wrong on this website called SPLICE TODAY, and they didn’t tell me how many words to write or anything, so I just pooped out my usual amount, even though I’m only getting paid a hundred bucks a pop, which totally fucks up my per-word average, but I’m putting in my sweat (figuratively—I sweat when I eat, but not when I Type Crap), equitywise, into this SPLICE TODAY, which is a new Website that has Everything Left in and Nothing Left Out, and is Safe for Work, I think, although I type the Big F in there, so maybe it’s not so safe. Anyway, SPLICE TODAY man, it is materializing as of March 7, 2008 Anno Domini at http://splicetoday.com , so go get you some SPLICE, TODAY, OK?

ILLUSTRATION BY SMELL OF STEVE, INC.

Wed, 27 Feb 2008 13:40:00 -0500

ILLUSTRATION BY SMELL OF STEVE, INC.

MISSILE ATTACK

Wed, 27 Feb 2008 13:34:33 -0500

MISSILE ATTACK: Helium-3!!!